i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
