So drunk its hurt
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
