Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you made out with another girl for some wings
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
