lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
