My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
