I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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