Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
