so explain again why im purple
no
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
