There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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