well you can't waste a boner
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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