His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
