Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
