The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
