Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
