I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
