my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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