I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's never too late to be topless.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
