All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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