obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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