I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
