i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
even my farts smell like vagina
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
