I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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