when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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