Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
