In the future we'll all be gay
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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