its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
