Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
