You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's never too late to be topless.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
