then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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