Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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