when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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