If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
