Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
