Porn is love you can see.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
