marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's shark week go big or go home
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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