I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think my moral compass just broke
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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