I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
