I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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