I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just invented taco cereal.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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