we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
