That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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