I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
