"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
