So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
