if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
