I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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