Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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