Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
