Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
