I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
