Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
