Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What a dumb baby whore.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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