i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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