Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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