I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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