Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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